I love living in Colorado. I love the ridiculous amount of sunny days that we get here. But now and then, we get a day like today, cloudy, cool, it feels like it might rain any minute.  I couldn’t live with this weather on a daily basis, but it feels like such a treat here.  This is the type of day when you curl up in a window seat with a warm blanket and read, it’s a day when curiosity is sparked and maybe for a minute I feel like some inspired writer from years past penning some great novel.  It would be very easy to slip into that dream world, but then I’d wake up tomorrow with the sun shining down and wonder who wrote this ridiculously sappy poetic piece on my desk

Writing and words come easily to me.  They’re my best friends, they help me understand life, where I fit into it, where I want to go.  Words come from thoughts and thoughts create feelings.  Therefore, the word is a very powerful bit of magic.

However, I’ve been hiding.  I hide behind the words that I think I’m suppose to write.  Oh there’s that terrible phrase I wish didn’t exist in the English language…’suppose to’. Growing up as an over achieving people pleaser left me with many ‘suppose to’s’ that I felt I had to live, but as I’ve moved through my 20′s I’m ready to loosen their grip and just be me instead.  I’ve heard that it takes a lot of courage to be yourself, which I feel is true.  It’s much easier to hide behind a facade, then if you’re not liked you can quickly change your mask.  I’m a master at this, I can be anything that I need to be depending on the situation.  Part of the reason that acting came so easily to me and is something I enjoy is because I’ve been practicing my whole life.  I can play any part in the real world and it’s not so different behind the camera.

But today I would like to take a step into the light, I’d like to take the mask off and just be me, knowing that there’s a good chance that *gasp* not everyone may like me or what I say. I may also make mistakes, say the wrong thing, have opinions that others may not agree with, so on and so forth.  But I also hope that by being true to myself that maybe I’ll be able to reflect a little more light into the world.  That maybe I’ll inspire someone else to live their truth as well, to pull together their courage and just be themselves.

Why am I telling you all this? So that maybe you too can be free of the ‘suppose to’s’ and worrying about what others think.  And this entry is a little disclaimer about my future writing on here. Some of it you may love, sometimes you may think I’m crazy, and sometimes I may contradict myself…but it’s all ok because I’m just being me in that moment.  And by stepping into my truth I’m asking you to do the same.  Happy Life!

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars…” - Jack Kerouac

To say that I’m a free spirit is a bit of an understatement.  I’ve dreamed about fitting in, about what it might have felt like to grow up with normal career aspirations to be a doctor, lawyer, or teacher.  If I’ve ever had these desires though, they were little more than fleeting. Typically I come from a completely different point of view.  I like to uncover societal norms and then test them.  I like to crawl out of boxes and peel off labels anytime someone attaches them to me.  Sometimes I wish I had a better answer for that question you hear at every social gathering ‘So what do you do?’ just to save myself some explaining.  But, I’m starting to not care so much anymore.  I use to want to sound like I had it all figured out, ‘Well I went to school for this and now I’m going to do that’ as if life is something you can write out on a to do list.  I wish we’d ask each other questions like ‘What do you like to do?’ How do you spend your time?’  I could care less if you work for a marketing firm if what you’re really passionate about is rebuilding engines on old cars.  I want to know what makes you tick, I want to see what fires you up, what makes you excited.

A spiritual teacher once told me that I’m an adrenaline junkie and my first thought was ‘Oh no, I knew it!’.  I think my whole life I’ve been a little eccentric and incredibly inquisitive and her telling me that I’m adrenaline junkie felt like someone had finally taken the mask off my face, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to share.  She quickly followed her observation with, ‘It’s ok though, it’s what drives you’, which helped me switch gears and want to own it.  I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie.  I thrive off of situations that most people avoid: change, meeting new people, being in a new place, being tested physically or mentally, public speaking (see told ya I’m a little wacky).  I like to see what I’m capable of, I like how empowered I feel every time I’m met with a situation that I have no idea how to tackle, and yet I do it anyway.  I like to know what I’m made of at my core, who I am when I’m completely alone, who am I when my back’s against the wall in a tough circumstance.  Because it’s during these times that real magic happens, and if there’s something I’m addicted to besides adrenaline and excitement, well it’s magic.  Coincidences, being in the right place at the right time, I love keeping all my senses alert and watching for signs.  I live life like one big ‘choose your own ending’ book, and I do my dangedest not to take anything too seriously.  I don’t always succeed, but I know that I’m here to learn, I’m here to have fun, and I’m here to share this experience with as many people as possible.

So let your inner eccentric out.  If you like to collect match boxes, well fantastic!  The world will be a much more interesting place if we’d all stop pretending to be so normal all the time.  We are not our successes and failures and we are not defined by what pays our bills.  We’re multi faceted, so pull back the veil, step forward without fear, and own it.

Working in the restaurant industry again has been one of the best emotional trainers I could have asked for.  The term ‘emotional trainer’ comes from the lovely and inspirational Rhonda Byrne, author of ‘The Secret’.  She explains that everyone in your life is an emotional trainer, kind of like a personal trainer but for the mind instead of the body.  Your grandma, for example is probably a pretty easy emotional trainer, doesn’t push you too hard, makes you cookies when you’re sad, and always has a hug waiting for you.  Then there’s those trainers who can really push you to the edge, ask you to do sprints, then weights, then pushups, and you keep thinking to yourself ‘when is this going to end?’  We come into a lot of situations, sometimes even daily, with the Jillian Michaels of emotional trainers.  The question is are you going to take on the challenge and become even stronger or are you going to let this person leave you sore and upset, possibly even days later?

I look around sometimes and notice how many people just don’t look that happy.  I especially notice this at stop lights and try to make it a point to be smiling or singing at these so maybe I can get someone else to do the same, even if they’re just laughing at me:)  Why do so many people look down?  I think it has something to do with the emotional trainers in our lives and our habit of picking up other people’s garbage.  If someone cuts you off in traffic, how do you respond?  If the coffee shop is out of the bagel you get every day, how does this affect you?  Being around people in a restaurant I am given ample opportunity to either react or observe.  Generally, I have to say that the people in my life are pretty pleasant, a little looney at times, but at least interesting.  As the restaurant gets busier, though, I can see and feel the energy pick up.  It’s like that old example in chemistry, when heat rises, molecules start to move more quickly, bumping into and off of each other.  This is precisely what happens in any ‘heated’ situation.  The thing is, we can’t avoid it.  You would have to go live in the woods by yourself to avoid colliding with other people.  And believe me, I’ve considered it, I’ve taken off on random road trips across the most rural parts of the nation (and I probably will again).  In the long term though, we have to be around people, we’re meant to interact and learn from each other.

So what am I getting at? When someone acts unpleasantly to you, when something doesn’t go just as you wanted, don’t react emotionally.  Take a moment, look at the situation, and choose a response.  Don’t feed negativity with negativity.  If someone cuts you off in traffic don’t take that energy to the bank and snap at the teller for taking too long.  These situations that we would normally label as negative are such incredible opportunities.  You have the chance to turn it around, to send something positive out into the world.  If someone says something rude to you, Don’t Take it Personally.  Taking it personally means they walked up to you with their garbage, threw it at your feet, and you picked it up.  Don’t pick up garbage, that’s disgusting.  And besides, if you do pick it up you’re just going to have to dump it on some other poor person later, perpetuating the cycle.  It may take some practice, but let the person dump their garbage, you have no control of what other people do.  Respond with the utmost integrity that you can and then walk away, because this garbage is magical, it dissolves the moment you turn away.

Stay happy, feel good, spread joy.  Let your emotional trainers teach you something useful, but never pick up their garbage.