Working in the restaurant industry again has been one of the best emotional trainers I could have asked for.  I’m pretty sure the term ‘emotional trainer’ comes from the lovely and inspirational Tara Brach who teaches Buddhism, meditation, and other helpful tools.  She explains that everyone in your life is an emotional trainer, kind of like a personal trainer but for the mind instead of the body.  Your grandma, for example is probably a pretty easy emotional trainer, doesn’t push you too hard, makes you cookies when you’re sad, and always has a hug waiting for you.  Then there’s those trainers who can really push you to the edge, ask you to do sprints, then weights, then pushups, and you keep thinking to yourself ‘when is this going to end?’  We come into a lot of situations, sometimes even daily, with the Jillian Michaels of emotional trainers.  The question is are you going to take on the challenge and become even stronger or are you going to let this person leave you sore and upset, possibly even days later?

I look around sometimes and notice how many people just don’t look that happy.  I especially notice this at stop lights and try to make it a point to be smiling or singing at these so maybe I can get someone else to do the same, even if they’re just laughing at me:)  Why do so many people look down?  I think it has something to do with the emotional trainers in our lives and our habit of picking up other people’s garbage.  If someone cuts you off in traffic, how do you respond?  If the coffee shop is out of the bagel you get every day, how does this affect you?  Being around people in a restaurant I am given ample opportunity to either react or observe.  Generally, I have to say that the people in my life are pretty pleasant, a little looney at times, but at least interesting.  As the restaurant gets busier, though, I can see and feel the energy pick up.  It’s like that old example in chemistry, when heat rises, molecules start to move more quickly, bumping into and off of each other.  This is precisely what happens in any ‘heated’ situation.  The thing is, we can’t avoid it.  You would have to go live in the woods by yourself to avoid colliding with other people.  And believe me, I’ve considered it, I’ve taken off on random road trips across the most rural parts of the nation (and I probably will again).  In the long term though, we have to be around people, we’re meant to interact and learn from each other.

So what am I getting at? When someone acts unpleasantly to you, when something doesn’t go just as you wanted, don’t react emotionally.  Take a moment, look at the situation, and choose a response.  Don’t feed negativity with negativity.  If someone cuts you off in traffic don’t take that energy to the bank and snap at the teller for taking too long.  These situations that we would normally label as negative are such incredible opportunities.  You have the chance to turn it around, to send something positive out into the world.  If someone says something rude to you, Don’t Take it Personally.  Taking it personally means they walked up to you with their garbage, threw it at your feet, and you picked it up.  Don’t pick up garbage, that’s disgusting.  And besides, if you do pick it up you’re just going to have to dump it on some other poor person later, perpetuating the cycle.  It may take some practice, but let the person dump their garbage, you have no control of what other people do.  Respond with the utmost integrity that you can and then walk away, because this garbage is magical, it dissolves the moment you turn away.

Stay happy, feel good, spread joy.  Let your emotional trainers teach you something useful, but never pick up their garbage.